let the countdown begin.

So today in philosophy I figured out the total number of days we have left before we graduate, and it is le 70. Let me break that down. OK I WAS BORED.
Today is the 18th, which means counting today there are 13 days left in April.
May has 31 days, so we're at 44.
Then graduation is officially on the 27th, which puts us at 71.
That sounds really long BUT it counts weekends and all the time from the 16th onward that we're done exams.
So let's take those out. (I'm really bored and I don't wanna study for bio)
4+8+8+6 = 26.
and we're down to 45!
45 DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT, GUYS =)
(helloooo, bio.)

demons

my tongue was practically forked, guys.
you don't know why but i'm sorry.

for the record

so leave, because you can and I
I don't need lies to lasso you with.
Go because you can. I will go nowhere.
Neither will I reach after you,
inveigle you back. Go
because you can.
I said what i did to make
an even battleground
so now we operate under no handicaps
and I will show you no mercy
because you have shown me none
and because mercy in me is a form
of willful blindness.
so go because you can and
because I cannot stop you,
Which is to say that the
weapons in my arsenal are too cruel.
I refuse to lie or flirt my way back,
and guilt is entirely too blunt and
unpredictable.
Go because you can and
because -see?-
I have released hold on you
(only because you forced me to.)
go because you can, and
stay if you insist.
i am going nowhere.

what have i done?

these days I see only the taut lines, the
the fallaway.
These days I see age and I see pallor where
there used to be purity
I see drawn cheekbones instead of round
but my God, my God, he will never be and I
cannot make him.
My God, look what I have done.
I have been passive in the most active of
ways
I have been nothing.
I have accepted and offered nothing in return,
we both know that is because I have nothing.
But I did not say the name. I said not the name because
it invoked too much,
because he would understand in flashes that
cannot be undone.
All the while I project, like a blind person
I paste voices to faces and create monstrosities.
I have done it so long and so well that they are
complete
and pound on the windows of my head to become real.
And I am silent in the face of their movement;
I hope that if I avert my eyes they will go away,
or that is what I tell myself
but the truth is my white cheek is a beacon.