i figured it out

almost. The problem, I think, is that this relationship makes me a worse person. I'm irrational, unbalanced and I can't stop fighting with him. I'm not getting the support I need in my Christian life. I find myself changing because of him - and I can't decide which is better, to become ultra-defensive or to lose my backbone entirely. I usually end up doing the first because I don't like the thought of the second, but it's becoming more appealing. I could just turn quiet and meek. It'd mean less fights.

I've proposed a summer hiatus. A 'break', if you will. And he has nothing but contempt for the idea of breaks; he says they don't solve anything. But I need a break. I'm spiralling into the kind of person I don't want to be and I want to stop and get a handle on it. I want to be able to be with him but i don't know if I can do it without doing damage to myself at the same time. And this isn't fair to him, either.