all Mrs. Lee's fault

So today in devotions Mrs. Lee (of terrible-bio-mark fame) started off our devotions with a thinger about marriage for girls... since Mr. Vermont *who hasn't looked me in the eyes since I quit his course =(* already did so for guys. And I missed the first bit because I was travelling to the washroom, in the washroom, and travelling back, but it sounded interesting even though I think she was sort of winding up when I got there which is depressing because teacher devotions are not to be missed and I wrote a story in stream of consciousness about a week ago and daRn if i'm not punctually challenged these days. Worst idea everrrr. We'll leave stream of consciousness to faulkner right guys? =D *audible groan from Lit class*
SO. I took a shower when I got home and I don't know what other people do with their shower time but I work through very important issues =p seriously. That's partly why it takes so long. Also because I have a sequence, I know guys don't understand this but there is a set routine that girls need to follow and it is time-consuming and they'll learn to deal when they get married. I'm really picky about my hot water so I spend forever getting it just right. And then you have to shampoo first so you can condition right after, because you leave conditioner in the whole time because the steam helps it sink in. And then there's soap and then there's bodywash and then there's exfoliating gel and maybe a little bit of pumice, and somewhere in there there's a razor. And of course for toria there's shower meditation. Honestly I get all my thinking done in the shower. So today I worked through why I want to get married =p because Mrs Lee is right, it's probably a good thing to know. And while I am excited about finding my soul mate blahblahblah and having a wedding day etc, that wasn't really what I focused on. Ok to be honest I started with the whole submission thing, which has always been an issue with me because I don't like the idea that some guy gets to tell me what to do. My best arguement was always "well, what if I marry an idiot?"
The answer is of course, Don't.
So I'm really not clear on that issue yet, I need to read some passages and take a couple more showers but to my mind the role of helper is as important as the role of head. Anyways. But the point of marriage that gets me is not just to build a household, but to build a ministry. And I don't mean like a huge Ministry or anything, just a niche in your church where you take care of something and do it well, because that's where your heart is. In my church we have a ton of examples of couples who seem to live to carry out their ministry and serve their generation, especially the other people in the church. And I don't know, there's just something about the work that a married couple does together that gives it like, an extra dimension. Like eric and leslie ludy, or the guy who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye and whoever he married =p and it excites me to serve God and glorify him with that extra impact and that extra power. Also.. the life I want to live as an adult is a sacrificial Christian life. I want God to be all over my life.. and that's going to mean giving some things up and making hard decisions. And it's hard enough right now when I have hardly anything to lose - no family of my own, no career, no boyfriend, no money =p but once I have those things it will be harder to remain completely open to God.. and that's where I'll need the support of someone who understands me and cares about me, and shares my heart. Sometimes you just need someone who gets you.. to help you make the tough decisions. And I have that in God, of course, and a few friends, but we all know a relationship gives you something unique. And that's where the marriage part comes in... I just think it'd be so cool to grow in Christ together, helping each other. I mean I know it won't be easy but for anyone who knows what this year has been like for me, I think I can say I know the meaning of the phrase Relational Difficulties. lol and I'm not scared of that... to be honest I'm floored, we seem to have weathered rather well. At one point I honestly thought we were going to turn into total strangers and it makes me happy that it hasn't happened. anyways =p I'm not afraid of hard stuff, of fights or misunderstandings... because nothing worthwhile is easy. (But the opposite does not follow! Not everything hard is worthwhile. Sometimes you're just doing it wrong.)
there it is. lol but well I'm 17 and all of that is way ahead of me... so I have to be excited about being single too =p which i'm working on... and I want my life to be dynamic now, too, but it's hard to do and I don't really know where to start, so i'm just praying.

Run

We're going to run, run,
and we're never looking back.
You and me, this is our race,
and there's no room for saving face
and there's no time for looking back

But I'll keep you in the corner of my eye,
in the corner of my mind, the corner of my life.
And when we run, we'll race;
we'll fall from grace
and find our way back up into the sun.
No time for anything, just run

We're going to run, run,
and we're never looking back.
You and me, we'll give it all we've got
and there's no room for the baggage I brought
and there's no time for looking back

It's all or nothing, it's time to go
We have to run the race.
It's all or nothing, it's time to go
And I won't forget your face.

so

so i feel better.
I'm tempted to write it off to warm weather.
But I'm back to making jokes and wild gestures
and laughing at jokes
and being happy after I laugh
instead of falling back down.

spider

Sometimes we are spiders
hunted by cats.
Sometimes we open double doors and
enter velveted paws crushing.
Sometimes we stare into mirrors
and somehow fail to spot
the sea-green eyes that we drown in.
sometimes we break and run
when we could have saved our lives
with the word unspoken.
And sometimes we freeze, in hope,
and the last chance of our salvation,
fleeting,
runs past us.
Sometimes the spider drama played out
on the linoleum
is only the valiant battle
that we have never fought.
We are content to crumple and be trodden.