I'm so confused. I can no longer tell how I am supposed to deal, where you're going with this, what I can expect. What to aim for. I know none of that.
All I know is that I still want to glorify you.
And you're still in control.
But does this really glorify you? It feels strange and uncomfortable. I don't see how it would make anyone praise you.
"hallelujah, those two friends don't speak to each other anymore!"
"praise God, this is so awkward!"
hmph.
sighz. I don't think I have any right to be talking about what glorifies you and what doesn't. Goodness knows I've screwed up enough. I pull enough stupid, ill-advised stunts for three of me. More than enough for one of him, poor guy. But I still want to do this your way, and I still want to make it beautiful, or at least peaceful, even in a fully platonic way =p
having said that, I can grasp the concept that it's not always going to make sense to me. Or anyone else, for that matter. I'm not always going to be ok.
Sometimes i wonder if the whole reason you pulled this was so that I would be forced to depend on you.
Not cool, God! Couldn't you find some other way?
....is my first thought.
But I'm not God, so I don't have to get it. I just have to keep praying. I don't even know what to pray for, that's the level I'm at now. I'm reduced to praying for you to tell me what to pray. Complete and total dependence! w00t
Are you quite finished?
(no)