#32

i thought i needed to be dazzled
make me blush, make me faint,
sweep me off my feet,
string words together in phrases
of pure poetry that stay in my mind
like stars
sing me soft into a sweet sleep
and make me think that i'm dreaming
and that i need you because
you perpetuate the dream
ground my life so that without you i'm
shaking and scared
warm my life so that without you i'm
shivering and cold

i thought you needed to be catered to
forgot myself, lowered my voice,
took down my assertive wall
silenced my doubts and fears
learned how to defer, how to
soften the spine i was once so proud of
how to want nothing that you didn't want
forgot what it means to stand up

and then one day it all fell back down
the dream faded around me,
elusive like smoke it flew away from me
the ground under my feet plummeted and
the warmth on my face flickered out like a candle
yet i remained, somehow grew back everything that was
shadowed and subdued
that shadowed and subdued itself
i don't know if i'm bitter or if i regret anything
all i know is i'm not going back