i can be brave too

Heyy. Well I decided heidi's post was very brave... and also, apparently, very therapeutic. So.. I shall try it. not to be a biter. Cuz I'm not special enough to get all that feedback =p
Insecurity #1: friends. I love you guys, you know who you are. But I'm bad at friendships. Sometimes i just assume I don't really have friends, just nice people who are willing to hang out sometimes. And that's not cool because then I treat you that way, and distance myself without meaning to. Silly toria. I've ruined a lot of friendships, and given up on them when things got tough, or pushed people away because they hurt me. I lost people i never wanted to lose. So those of you that are left are really valuable to me =p So yeah.. spending time with you, and stuff, is my way of reaching back out. I'm sorry i'm so dysfunctional. It'll get better I promise =p
Insecurity #2: hmm. This is difficult. If it's guys, then it can't be that in the same way it was with heidi. Because I'm not in her situation right now. But.. there are still issues. Like... if you really want something, and it seems to be within your grasp... even THEN you still have to be ready to hand it over to God and let him do whatever he wants, when he asks you for it. We have dubbed the process "being hit over the head". And it's scary. And it's going to keep happening. All of the things I put on the list on heidi's blog are things i struggle with... or would, if I was in a relationship. Time. Money.
Especially alone time. lol I need a lot of time to myself.... I don't really know why. Somtimes I need to write. Sometimes i need to think. Sometimes i just need to not have anyone else around me. Would a boyfriend understand that? Would I still even want to voice my need for that?And yeah.. well for me I can get really stressed about stuff. I might misinterpret stuff that's said to me, or even someone's body language. And I don't want to get stressed out with that person. But the closer you get to someone, the more ability they have to hurt you. Even if they don't want to.
I'm not really worried. Just yeah. See? See how dysfunctional I am? Ohman...
Insecurity #3: guys you know what... this really isn't a blog I can do right now. I'm sure i have insecurities but they are not making themselves known =p I can't list them and talk about them.
Pray for me.