these days

these days I wander in an apathetic trance that i hope will last years. I can't wait to settle into being single, which sounds weird because it's been that way for a few years but that doesn't mean I was settled. But now I think I can justifiably say to myself and everyone else that all of my attempts to move on have crashed and burned and can i please just take some time to let it be. I'm tired of trying to prove that I've made progress; I'm tired of talking to people only to have them repeat for the hundredth time, "but toria, it really is time to move on". I know that; I figured it out before anyone else and I've been trying ever since. And I've got it all down emotionally, but the whole getting-into-another-relationship bit, the final proof, the supposed litmus test - i just can't do it. And not because there haven't been opportunities, and not because i don't want to, but because there's a difference between forcing yourself to get over someone and forcing yourself to love someone else. One is possible, the other isn't. And maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I've been pushing myself for too long and I just want to rest now. I resent everyone assuming that they know my emotional status just because there's no guy in the picture.